🫙💧💖 Oil & Water: Lessons on Love From Mary and Jesus

Ari Umble

20 Dec 2025 — 7 min read

I. 1. Bethany: A Place of Friendship, Not Just Ministry

Bethany functions almost like home base for Jesus outside Galilee.

It is where He lodges (Luke 10:38; John 12:1).
It is where He is received, not merely hosted.
It is where He is known, not merely followed.

This matters. Most people encounter Jesus as Teacher, Healer, or Lord. The Bethany household encounters Him as friend.

John is unusually explicit:

“Now Jesus loved (ēgapa) Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” (John 11:5)

This is not generic divine benevolence. John names individuals and calls it love.

2. Lazarus: “Our Friend”

a. Jesus Calls Lazarus His Friend

“Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I go to awaken him.” (John 11:11)

This is the only time in the Gospels where Jesus refers to a specific individual this way outside the disciples.

The Greek philos implies mutual affection, not merely compassion.
Jesus does not say “the man I healed” or “the one I will raise,” but our friend.

This friendship makes the delay in John 11 all the more striking.

b. Love That Allows Pain

Jesus knows Lazarus is sick.
Jesus loves Lazarus.
Jesus waits.

“So, when He heard that Lazarus was ill, He stayed two days longer…” (John 11:6)

The “so” is important. The delay is not in spite of love, but because of a larger purpose.

This reveals something uncomfortable but crucial:

Jesus’ love does not always prevent grief.
But it does redeem it.

c. Jesus Weeps

“Jesus wept.” (John 11:35)

This is not performative sorrow.

He knows resurrection is minutes away.
He still enters their grief.

This is friendship at its deepest level: presence without hurry, tears without explanation.

3. Mary of Bethany: Love Expressed Through Devotion

Mary consistently appears in one posture: at Jesus’ feet.

a. Mary as Listener (Luke 10:39)

“Mary sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to His teaching.”

This is the posture of a disciple, not merely a student—and in first-century Judaism, a striking role for a woman.

Jesus does not correct her.
He defends her.

b. Mary as Mourner (John 11)

When Lazarus dies:

Martha goes out to meet Jesus.
Mary stays inside, overwhelmed.

When she comes to Him:

“Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” (John 11:32)

Same words as Martha. Entirely different tone.

Mary’s grief breaks Jesus in a way nothing else in the Gospels quite does.
This is the moment that leads directly to His tears.

Her sorrow moves Him.

c. Mary as Worshipper (John 12:1–8)

Mary anoints Jesus with costly perfume.

Worth nearly a year’s wages.
Poured not on His head (as with kings), but on His feet.
Wiped with her hair—deeply personal, culturally vulnerable.

Jesus interprets this act prophetically:

“She kept it for the day of my burial.”

Mary seems to grasp something the disciples do not:

Jesus is moving toward death.
Love now is better than understanding later.

4. Martha: Love Expressed Through Faith and Action

Martha is often misunderstood as merely “busy.”
John’s Gospel corrects this.

a. Martha as Confessor of Faith (John 11:27)

Martha makes one of the strongest Christological confessions in the Gospels:

“I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.”

This rivals Peter’s confession—and it comes before Lazarus is raised.

Jesus entrusts her with theology.
She trusts Him with grief.

b. Jesus Does Not Rebuke Her Faith

In Luke 10, Jesus gently redirects Martha, not condemns her.
In John 11, He meets her reasoning with revelation:

“I am the resurrection and the life.”

Martha represents the friend who loves Jesus with her mind and hands.
Mary loves Him with her heart and presence.

Jesus loves both.

5. A Household Jesus Loves—And Is Loved By

What makes Bethany unique is reciprocity.

They welcome Jesus into their home.
They challenge Him with honest grief.
They pour out love without restraint.
They trust Him even when He delays.

And Jesus:

Weeps with them.
Defends them.
Raises their brother.
Receives their worship.
Returns to them even when Jerusalem is hostile (John 12).

This is not a transactional relationship.
It is shared life.

6. Theological Significance of This Friendship

The Bethany family reveals something essential about Jesus:

He does not love humanity in the abstract.
He loves people by name.
Friendship is not beneath divinity.
God-with-us includes God-at-the-table.
Love does not eliminate suffering, but it refuses abandonment.
Different expressions of love are equally received by Jesus.
Stillness, service, faith, tears, generosity—all find a home with Him.

Reflection

Bethany shows us a Jesus who is not always surrounded by crowds or arguments, but by friends who know how to be honest with Him.

Mary teaches us that love listens and pours itself out.
Martha teaches us that love believes and serves.
Lazarus teaches us that love may pass through death—but not stay there.

And Jesus shows us that divine love is not distant, stoic, or rushed.

It sits.
It weeps.
It waits.
And then—it calls us by name.

II. 1. Narrative Placement: Two Signs Framing the Passion

The parallels between Mary of Bethany wiping Jesus’ feet with her hair and oil (John 12:1–8) and Jesus washing the disciples’ feet with water and a towel (John 13:1–17) are deliberate, profound, and theologically dense. John places these scenes back-to-back for a reason. Read together, they interpret one another.

Both events occur immediately before the Passion.

Mary’s anointing: six days before Passover (John 12:1)
Foot washing: during the Passover meal (John 13:1)

They form a hinge:

Mary prepares Jesus for burial
Jesus prepares the disciples for continuation

One act looks toward death.
The other looks toward mission.

Both are acts of love in the shadow of the cross.

2. Feet as the Chosen Place

Feet are not incidental.

They are the lowest, dirtiest part of the body.
They are associated with service, journey, and humiliation.

Mary does not anoint Jesus’ head like a king or prophet.
Jesus does not wash the disciples’ hands like a host.

Both choose the place no one else wants.

This shared focus signals:

Love that moves downward
Honor that embraces vulnerability

3. Costly Self-Giving

Mary’s Cost

Perfume worth a year’s wages.
Her hair—her glory (cf. 1 Cor. 11:15).
Public misunderstanding and rebuke.

She gives what is precious, personal, and irreversible.

Jesus’ Cost

He removes His outer garment (John 13:4).
He assumes the role of the lowest servant.
He does this knowing betrayal is already in motion.

Both acts involve deliberate self-emptying.

Mary pours out what she has.
Jesus lays aside who He is.

4. Hair and Towel: Parallel Symbols

Mary wipes Jesus’ feet with her hair.
Jesus wipes the disciples’ feet with a towel.

The contrast is intentional.

A towel is an object meant for service.
Hair is part of one’s identity.

Mary uses herself.
Jesus uses what a servant would normally carry—but He becomes the servant.

In both cases:

Dignity is willingly set aside.
Love is expressed without concern for decorum.

5. Love Misunderstood by Onlookers

In both scenes, someone objects.

Judas criticizes Mary’s wastefulness (John 12:4–6).
Peter resists Jesus’ action as inappropriate (John 13:6–8).

In both cases:

The objection sounds reasonable.
The objection misses the heart of love.

Jesus defends Mary.
Jesus corrects Peter.

The common thread:
Love that stoops will always confuse those who think in terms of utility, hierarchy, or control.

6. Preparation and Cleansing

Mary’s act is preparatory:

“She kept it for the day of my burial.” (John 12:7)

Jesus’ act is cleansing:

“Unless I wash you, you have no share with me.” (John 13:8)

Together they reveal a complete picture:

Mary prepares Jesus to give His life
Jesus prepares the disciples to receive it

Oil anticipates death.
Water anticipates new life.

7. Mutual Love, Not One-Sided Devotion

These scenes are mirror images.

Mary loves Jesus first—(in John's narrative: chapter 12) with extravagance.
Jesus responds (in chapter 13) by loving His own to the end—with humility.

This is not hierarchy.
It is communion.

Mary shows what it looks like to love Jesus rightly.
Jesus shows what it looks like to love others as He has been loved.

8. A Pattern for the Kingdom

Jesus explicitly tells the disciples to imitate Him:

“You also ought to wash one another’s feet.” (John 13:14)

He does not command them to replicate Mary’s exact action—but He embodies its meaning.

Mary models:

Undivided devotion
Risking reputation for love

Jesus models:

Undivided service
Risking authority for love

Together they define the culture of the Kingdom: Love expressed through humble, costly, embodied action. This is a culture Mary modeled and Jesus instructs His disciples to follow, essentially saying, "in this, be like Mary." Paul would later Echo this sentiment by saying, "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." - 1 Corinthians 11:1

Closing Insight

Mary anoints the feet of the One whose feet will soon be pierced:

Matthew 27:35 - The soldiers of Pilate (v13-14), the governor crucified Jesus (v27, 31).

John 19:37 - As another scripture says, “They will look on the one they have pierced.”

Zechariah 12:10 - I will pour out on the house of David and the inhabitants of Jerusalem a spirit of grace and supplication. They will look on me, the one they have pierced, and they will mourn for him as one mourns for an only child, and grieve bitterly for him as one grieves for a firstborn son.

Psalm 22:16 - Dogs surround me, a pack of villains encircles me; they pierce my hands and my feet.

Jesus washes the feet of those who will soon use those feet to run away and abandon Him:

Matthew 26:31 - Jesus told them, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: “‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’

Matthew 26:56 - This has all taken place that the writings of the prophets might be fulfilled.” Then all the disciples deserted Him and fled.

Mark 14:50 - Then everyone deserted [Jesus] and fled.

Both acts say the same thing in different ways:

Love does not wait to be deserved.
Love does not protect itself.
Love moves downward—toward dirt, weakness, and need.

In John’s Gospel, these two moments form a single lesson:

Those who truly understand Jesus will pour themselves out at His feet. Those who truly follow Jesus will kneel at the feet of others.